we have officially lost it.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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