cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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