ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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