remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
