We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
