Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
