To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Quick, to the slutcave!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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