hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
