It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I think we might need a safe word for this...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
