i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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