i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
