I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
