so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
