Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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