we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
