I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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