There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I want her autograph on my taint
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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