I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Less talking, more tequila
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
