I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
