I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I think we might need a safe word for this...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
