remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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