Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
