I feel great
I just peed on a car
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
