I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
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