Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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