4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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