So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Someone shattered a urinal.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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