can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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