I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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