Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
