She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
