I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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