you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
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