I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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