Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
how drunk are you?
Several
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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