Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
