Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka