I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
