I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
