I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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