My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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