I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
