Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
