I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
