Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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