wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My dad just said "fuck circus"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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