You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
