great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
