I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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