ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
