There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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