I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
