I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my sisters under your porch take her home
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
