when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just google imaged poop.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
