i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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