he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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