Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
