I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.