Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
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He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
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I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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