The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA