My room smells like vodka and shame
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
She had a baby Jesus butt plug