There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions