I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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