i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
