I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
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that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
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I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I want to fling myself into the sun
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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