i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
