This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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