I forgot how hot balto sounded
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
