I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
