Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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