Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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