At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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