Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
