if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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