He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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