Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
