I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
