I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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