Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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