believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
